PS4 - Hawken

Yes! If you have not noticed yet. I am a GAMER! I enjoy video games and I love online playing games. I enjoy blowing stuff up and killing other players. I also enjoy very interesting story lines. Now, when I did not have much to do with work and stuff. I played this game called Hawken on steam. I played in on the PC and stuff and decided to leave  it alone because I was one it 24/7 it seemed. I missed it and when I saw it was offered for free on PS4. It was a must have!!! I had to get online to play it as soon as I can.

If you ever played it and wanna join me... please let me know.

I love the game and enjoy playing!

The latest drama on paltalk....

In this blog, I am going to discuss what has been going on with Paltalk. Particularly in the spiritual section! There is always a great divide within all sections of Paltalk. There is not one section that doesn't have their rebels that enjoy coming in the chat rooms and causing issues. Now, there is this group within the spiritual section that are always trying to push people in front of trains. They claim they are calling people on their bullshit etc. Now, what part of this becomes bullying? what part of it becomes unacceptable? Do they just ignore the issue until it goes away!? Who knows.... it seems if people try to meditate the situation between the two, you become the subject of great division.

Me personally! I do not give a shit either way. Once it is directed at me, that is when it comes to an problem. I have no issues with anyone in the section and would like to keep it that way.

I have a way of making people that are considered trouble makers be okay with me. It is kinda like I bring the good out in the person because they know that they don't have to be that way with me. Even though sometimes I am a bit of a troll myself at times. When I get bored of Paltalk, I usually cause a bit of trouble. Nothing major just likes to joke around and act like some crazy white girl that doesn't have her head skewed on tight. I also sometimes take a very controversial topic and will play devil's advocate. I will start debates and discussions based on the other's opinions that are mostly disapproved of. Then other times, I will just act like a redneck that doesn't know anything. It gives me something to do at times.

Paltalk can be very draining at times and you have a tendency to lose yourself. I have met a  lot of great people on the program and hope to keep in touch with them beyond it.  I have my times and I think all Paltalk users come to a point where they spend less time on it and then go to something else. Then usually come back again. It is the time and season for everything.

Hobbies...

Lately, I have been feeling a bit crafty! Yes, I am wanting to do so many projects yet I do not finish any of them. It kinda sucks really! My mom and I started making jewelry and I do have to say, our first attempt at it was pretty damn good.
I guess I am going to make the jewelry making activity a way to spend quality time with my mother. It was nice and I enjoyed spending the time with her. I will post pictures of the jewelry that we made on my site. The pair of earnings has gotten lots of compliments so far, which gives me the confidence to keep working at it.
I have also started knitting and crocheting which is something I am using to keep my mind busy. It is actually extremely relaxing and I hope to get good enough to make something; such as a blanket. My brother is having a baby, so I probably make him a baby blanket once I get the hang of it. Then again by the time I finish it, my niece or nephew would already be in college.  Teehee..

I started making the quilt that I wanted to make my brother and I have only gotten one square done. Between looking for a job, doing all these projects, and studying... lol I don't know what to start and what to finish. Then not to mention, the urge to paint, but I don't have a real idea of what to paint. I get in my moods once in a while where I have to express myself. I have been working on one painting that a friend of mine gave me an idea for, but It is not expressive enough. I am actually considering getting a big canvas for it. Might actually make a great art piece to hand down to later generations. I know you probably wanting to know what it is about, but I am not gonna reveal that information just yet. It is going to be a secret until it is finished. I have already sketched up some ideas regarding it.

These have been my hobbies and as you can tell, I am really into crafts and making things with my hands. I hope that my hobbies can help me express myself artistically and possibly allow me to make money at it too. Lets see where this takes me....

Deep breath!

I have started one of the worse habits you can when you are in college. Procrastination is the worse enemy to any college student. I am not intentionally trying to have it turn out this way, but it seems that I start on my homework and studying, then I slack off a bit too long. This causes me to take longer to study the actually topic and then I am doing my homework the last 3 days before it is turned in. This week I cut it real short by doing my 2-week projects in two days. I just hope I get a good grade on it. I made sure it was in the correct format and all the topics were covered. I even proof read it zillion times.  I felt I did my complete best with it; even though I didn't take the full two weeks to work on it. Let's see what type of grade I get on it.

Besides making my studying more tedious then it has to be. I also am trying to rush through my statistics because I am dreading it. I hate it and have a huge bias towards it.  At the beginning of this week. I went ahead and looked over the material, but didn't fully comprehend the material. Thought to put it away for a while and go over it again later. Well, guess what? By the time I got back around to it. I forgotten all of it and doing my homework was a major pain in the ass. Literally, it took me 4 hours to do my homework.

Hopefully, I will actually learn something from the classes I am taking besides just flying through them to get a degree.

Best of luck!

No Distractions

I am suppose to not have any types of distractions in front of me. All I do is find new distractions to entertain me to past the time. I really need to focus on my homework, but I cant stop for an second to even get started! Its annoying beyond belief. The book that I want to write is flowing in my head and wanting to be poured out somewhere. Where do I pour it out... is it going to be protected... will someone try to steal it!? Anyways.... Distractions! Don't need anymore, but have plenty of them!

Not sure what I wanna do with my life....

There has been plenty of times where I have questioned what am I going to do with my life!? I know I am not the only person out there in this world that has the same question. I feel that I am a person that goes with the flow and enjoys experiencing new things in life! Though, society say I have to be act a certain way. I feel like every time I get started in a new direction. That I end up confused and hating my current life choices. Not the choices of making bad decisions, but more less wanting more out of life. Usually picture myself getting in my car and driving off somewhere, not knowing where I would end up. I desperately need a new start and feel the only way to do it, is to jump off the cliff face.

Trust me, I do not mind having a hard go at things. I been there done that! I am currently in a situation where I am not at my best. I live at home with my parents jobless, once again! It is a bit of a cycle that keeps happening to me and I am not really sure if I am the problem or it is my situation. These two concepts are blurred in my eyes. My parents feel that I am the cause of what is happening to me. I feel that I am having a streak bad luck at life at the moment. Where is my GO get it attitude!? Why can't I be happy just at a stupid job and satisfied with earning money? Why do I have this desire to do something bigger in life than myself, but do not know how to get there. I guess school would be a good start, right? Well, currently I am getting my Bachelors of science degree in Information Technology. I have not had any luck with my Associates degree landing me a position, so I figured it would be better if I had a higher education. I love learning! I honestly do, even though it is tedious and requires me to know things, that I probably will not ever have to remember again. 

When I was attending my local University, I was working close to 40 hours a week. The load of me having to go to school and work caused me to fall behind in my work load. I would miss classes, because I felt the time I was sitting in an lecture. I could use that time to actually do assignments and study. That is why when I choose to go back to college again. I wanted to be able to get my degree online. Now, I am attending SNHU and enjoying it whole lot better. 

The only problem is, I do not have an job! Which makes my parents very upset! Yes, I should not require anyone to support me at the age of 30. Trust me, I do not want anyone to support me either. I have a fear in the back of my mind, that if I get a job that doesn't allow me to study the way I have been. I am going to fall behind in my work and I will start to fail. I do not want to fail! I want to pass my classes and keep my GPA up. Currently, I am holding a 3.0 GPA and I want to keep it that way. 

I know getting a job somewhere that I will not be happy at. Will just cause me more frustration in the long run. That is why, I am going to keep exploring my options and see what type of things I could do, without having to go to a job that I do not love and will not enjoy. Does anyone have any suggestions of an job, I could be flexible at?

I am going to advertise helping seniors with technology, which was a great suggestion from a life coach. I am also going to consider my original idea of selling certain things online, just do not know anything else I could possibly do. Let's see where life takes me! Wish me luck! 

  

Hanuman Chalise!!

Whenever I get blah feeling.... I like to listen to Chants and relaxing music. I have came across an singer called Krishna Das. He voice is very calming and I enjoy his stuff very much!!!

This video gives me the strength and courage to go on even when I feel like quitting.

I hope you enjoy it!

Paltalk and their wonderful issues!

I was trying to finish up all my class work. I wanted to have some free time to spend on paltalk and realized that paltalk is having some MAJOR issues at the moment. People are going in rooms that can't be seen, which is referred to ghosting. They have issue with people not seeing everyone in the room, not seeing everyone's text and issues with people not being able to go into "Do not disturb mode".

I figured I would go into the help lobby to figure out what is truly causing the issues. I was hearing some rumors going around that paltalk was hacked. Wanted to verify that my information was protected. Too bad we as paltalk users are being reimbursed for the trouble. Its not the first time this shit has happened. Usually it is just laggy and people are not able to grab the mic in time exetra.  I love how paltalk enjoys ruining my life as usual! Can't have an good conversation and enjoy my friends time.

I guess this could be a good thing or an bad thing. Now at least I have time to do some other things before I get caught back in to school work. Probably should go ahead and start on my second week of work for school.

At least it gave me some time to update my journal. :)

Monday!? Should I be blue....

Good morning! It was surprising that I woke up as early as I did today. I was afraid that I was going to oversleep today, I guess the dogs barking did not help my sleeping situations out very much. Usually, I am able to sleep through almost anything.

I do not have any particular plans for today, I am drinking coffee because I am being too lazy to make tea. It just easier to put the grains in the keurig and put the cup underneath. Where I would have to bring the water to a boil and then add the milk, sugar, and tea to the pot. Then wait for it patiently while It doesn't boil over; making sure you take it off the burner before the reaches the edge of the pot. You have to bring it to the boiling point, because otherwise it taste as if you didn't let the loose leaves brew enough. Then again, when I learned to make tea... it was pretty damn sure that It was going to spill all over the stove top. Now, I have it down to an sience. I play chicken with the tea creeping up to the rim of the pot and pulling it off in time. Giggling as if I achieved a greatness by defeating the tea Gods in a game of chicken.

Since I have my coffee now, I am sitting here sipping it thinking in which way I can make my day productive. I know that I have to get down to working on my studies. Today is the first day of my term. I need to get organized and ready for what lays ahead of me. I also probably need to go out and wonder for a bit. Maybe take a trip to the park and sit and ponder about life. I need to get my act together and see where my life takes me in the next 10 years. I need to focus on my goals more and get where I need to. In order to lead and fruitful life. 

Besides of pondering my life way, I have plans of being on paltalk for some time. Discussing ideas and self expression. There are times where I get kinda bored of the same old topics and wish more people would assist with the conversation. Then there is that aspect of myself that has ADHD and can't concentrate on what is going on in the room. I feel bad when I disappear and wonder off in my own thoughts. Drifting here and there as if I am taking on an exploration of the mind.... No one knows surely where my thoughts would lead me.   

If you would like to join me... please feel free to join my room and come and participate. I always want new ideas and ways of looking at the world. 

The monday is good thus far and I hope it has a lot more ways of getting better.... Wish me luck!  

Starting my second term....

Tomorrow will be another my second term at Southern New Hampshire University.  I past with my last term with high marks. It was big of a struggle the last week of the term. I was having some difficulties with my pre-cal class and was stressing out about not having the information click in my brain.

I was extremely happy when my term ended because I had some time off to do whatever I desired. I could draw, watch stupid youtube videos, chat online, or even lay in bed all day and watch netflix if I desired. Even though, I needed to find a job and work on getting out of my parents house. I was at least going to take one week off to actually veg out. I am excited about the term starting, but at the same time I am sorta of gonna miss the free time.

I know if I keep working hard towards getting my degree that there would be nothing left to stop me. Hopefully getting this degree in the long run will assist me with getting a better job. I am tried of feel that I am stuck in this cycle that is never ending.

Update: Paltalk Room - Hair Om Spiritual Center

Paltalk Room - Hair Om Spiritual Center

I have been doing a lot lately, but since I am done with my term. I have started looking into paltalk for an good covo. I am currently opened an room that is in the spiritual section. It is doing very well these days. Hopefully, since I have some really good people helping me run it. That it will keep going well on it's way. 

Obsession with zombies!

I have noticed that this society has this obsession with the undead. Its like that society is afraid of death (the unknown) that they have to come up with some sort of alternative. Silly if you really consider it. I am guilty of being an fan of Walking dead, fear of the dead, and Z nation. Also I have read several zombie books. One of the recent movies that came out was pride and prejudice and zombies. I read the book when it first came out and enjoyed it very much. It was interesting because the book Pride and prejudice has been one of my favorite books to rend. I was kinda of worried about the movie not being that good, because 90 percent of the time. The book is always better.... well lady and gentlemen. I really liked the book and know I will probably enjoy the take on zombies in the movie. There were many times while reading Pride and prejudice that I laughed so hard. I know this movie will be very funny as well... I would actually recommend this series to anyone that enjoyed this type of read. Also recommend the movie!!!  

Early morning!!!!

Yeah!!! It is normal for me to still be up at 5:25am but, this is normally because I am doing something amazing. I am usually doing resarch or enjoying an good movie. I am watching the messagers because I literly do not have aything else better to do. I was going to start on my book but everytime I put my figures to the keyboard. My mind goes blank....

I should actually be cleaning my room but I am actually annoyed about it all. My room is super sall and I need more room. I keep trying to finds ways to convert my small space into something more useful. My mom wont let me do much with the room and I dont have plans on living here forever.

I thought I was gonna be let go from my current job but, it seems I will be working next weekend. YAY ME!

Should I write?

Ive had this idea for a book since I was young. Ive written several short versions of it but, never really fully written it. I have always thought I would need to do an whole lot of researc because it would be historical fiction. I would at least need to make sure the time frame that the book takes place in is accurate. I think I can turn this book into something amazing actually. Hopefully, I can get my ideas down in time. I was considering is if I should make it apart of a blog, or should I actually publish an paper book?

Harambe.... and my thoughts on it

I wanted express my feelings regarding this Gorilla Harambe being shot. I know that people are more than tired of hearing about this. There are a lot more important things in this world that had happen that did not get any attention. Now, I am a big animal lover and I would choose animals over people anyday!

One of the reasons why I feel the need to express myself on this topic, Is because I actually stated, that he looked as if he was trying to protect the child. Now, I watched many videos and read many different opinions on the topic, but come to find out few days later those videos were actually edited. Do you know how stupid I feel saying, " It looks like he was protecting the child? " Pretty damn stupid!

I know some stuff about Gorilla's but never personally had the honor to work with them. I am not an zoologist or an expert! The two things that I could tell from the "edited" videos that he was in an threating pasture. In the video's he kept looking upwards, I figured he was directing this posture towards the screaming crowd. I also saw him shield the child, which can be a good and bad thing. They been known to be very gentle and very intelligent. They aren't called gentle giants for no reason. I also know that zoo keepers always keep an barrier between them and the Gorillaz because males can be very aggressive. The idea of him protecting the child was an good thought because I did not see him aggressively grab the boy. I know that these amazing animals have strength of scary proportions. If he seriously wanted to "kill" or direct his anger towards the child. He would have killed him straight away. In the "edited" video It looked like a curious child and an Massive Gorilla trying to figures things out together. The one thing about the video made me wonder about it being edited or not was the fact it did not show the gorilla going from one place to another. This is why I really did not make an comment.

With that said! I saw the non edited video. I feel bad that the boy went through something that dramatic at a young age. I also do not really blame the parents for neglect. Things can happen quicker than a person can respond to. Any parent can relate to turning their back for one second and something goes wrong. The child should not have been able to get to the point of falling. That is totally the zoo's fault. There has been many records of children falling into gorilla pits or climbing over fences to get a better look. I actually wanted to climb into enclosure when I was younger, I mean who wouldn't? As a child everything is friendly and loving. Children are taught that these animals are friendly and cute cuddly. They aren't properly taught the dangers that are really involved along with the need to respect them.

Now, It is sad that this animal has been shot. We are trying to protect them and not kill them. The zoo was in the right because if they did not take this course of action. The boy might not be alive today. The risk for the zoo and the boy was to high for them to weigh the options. If they try to tranquilize him than it would have been a waiting game and anything could have happened to the boy in that time. He could have gotten angry because he was shot and took his anger out on the child. Than people would be like WHY DIDN'T they just shoot the him?? Than again we do not know, they might have fell asleep together, right? *rolls eyes*

In the video the way the boy was dragged. I would have been terrified for that child. That was a full on display threat to the crowd. They are known to drag tree logs to prove a point. Even though at one point the gorilla wasn't sure about the boy. People have a tendency to forget that wild animals are not always the most forgiving. In the wild they have been observed to deliberately kill babies - especially in mountain gorillas. Usually this is the case after a female finds another male together with her baby or if a new leading male takes over. This is usually called infanticide, is meant to shorten the time until the the female becomes fertile again and the new male can have his own offspring with her. He could have found this child as a threat to his position. I know one point in the video where you could not clearly see the Gorilla anymore. You can clearly hear someone say, " OMG, he is drowning the child. ". That moment as a mother I would have killed him myself. I would have probably jumped in my damn self and took the gorilla on. Even though I would have probably died trying.

Anyway! The point is that the zoo was right for taking the action they did, though they need to make sure this doesn't happen again! The boy is with their family and the lost of a great amazing creature is sad! We as a human race needs to realize how important is to teach our children that these animals need respect.

Enough said! I stated my opinion!

Topics....no Idea!

I never have an topic for what I am going to write! If I feel like writing a blog, I just do! I been thinking of keeping up more often with my blog. I just seem to have that type of personality that just doesn't stick with one thing for long periods of time. That is the main reason why there are so many gaps in my blogs with periods of times where I do not write. I know there are a  lot of people that passionately post their ideas. For me, It is just something I do now and then!

I keep seeing ads on the internet about serious bloggers that make money off blogging. I know it can be done and I am not really the type to write a blog just for others. I personally write them for myself actually. Though, I usually consider my readers. Even though according to the stats on blogger I currently do not have any subscribers! I do not write a blog for that reason. Though, I remember back in the day when I had Livejournal and posted on there several times a day.  Never made any money off that shit! I also use to have a youtube channel but choose to delete the videos when I felt I was putting myself too much out there. 

I am not really one for attention. I am typically the person that enjoys sitting back and watching everyone else. Plus, I usually do not make that many videos these days because there is so much technology out there and people that are trying to actually become popular. I am not trying to plus even if I did become popular I wouldn't know what to keep on about. There are people that write blogs and video blogs about particular topics. I usually just go on about what is currently going on in my head at that moment. They go on about current events or something on the left feild of things....

I once had someone read my blog to give me an idea of where I could go with it. They basically criticized me for all my ideas, grammar, and flow of things. I agree! My grammar sucks and never really been serious about fixing it. I need to though! Even though, in college a lot of my English teachers said I had good writing skills and writing could take me far in life. The only issue I would have to fix was my grammar. Grammar has never been my friend and it sometimes causes more hassle for me than I would like to admit. I was told when I was younger that I had an learning disorder but, I do not want to cling on the fact of this. It does take me a bit longer to process certain things. I just never allowed this to stop me. A lot of it has to do with me being lazy. Yes, I admitted it! I am too lazy to give a shit about my grammar. Truth be told, I am more capable of fixing my grammar than I give myself credit for.  Yes, I am a college student and yes my grammar sucks! Deal with it! lol 

Maybe I should read more.....

I was thinking I should read more than I do. I use to read a lot actually, but latetly it seems I want to do everything else but that. Like right now, I am writing this journal and not reading an damn book. I think there neds to be more hours in a day...than just maybe i can put my head in an good book.

There is so many things that need to be done....I should really not wait until the last minute to do them. How do people learn to be so involved with life? I feel soicity trys to tell us that we are required to have a certain level of a soical like and you should partisate in an certain activetiy based on our soicial staus. Fucked up right? I oncehad this thought that maybe I should drink more wine because that is what normal people did, right? Went home and had an glass of wine after dinner? lol fuck that.... Maybe I am considered to be lower class, but I know how to act like an civialized person and not some robot drone that is controlled by what Socitiy says....

How the hell did this journal turn from wanting to read more to what soicity says??? wtf

Good night....

Plans for life.....

What do I want from life? The truth is that I do not know myself. I have many ideas of what maybe I should expect out of life, but in reality they are not what I truely want out of life. I have certian expetations I believe everyone does at one point. Currently, I have plans of going to India by the end of this year. I really am start to realize I can not live moment from moment with out having any sort of plan. I am going to go back to college and finish up some classes. I wont be graduating until 2018 or 2019 but at least I will have my BAS in computer science with an minor in Anthropology. My big dream is to be an Cultural anthropologist. This will let me do what I truely want. I want to travel the world and meet new people!!! Anyways, when I come back from india I am going to work hard towards school and getting my live straight. I need to work getting out of debet and getting somewhere where I can be comfortable. This is my plans for my future.

any suggestions?

Dream journal

I had a person recommend me start a dream journal. Now my dreams are like mixed things that don't make any sense. I try my best but I can't even question anything. I had a few dreams that stood out but now it doesn't make any sense to me. Maybe the idea trying to remember everything is what the biggest problem, who knows.

I really wanna keep up with my blog but my ideas suck. I do not know where to start and were to end. Who knows!!! Anyways..

Sales can be tough!

Today was my first day at selling tracfones at walmart. At the moment it is an bit frustrating because I am still getting use to the infomation about the plans. I am not an slow learner but it is a lot of info to retain all at once. I am going to need soem cheatsheets soon. Maybe I will have them on my tablet for safe keeping. Wish me luck with my job and my sales.

The way things use to be

I have always enjoyed watching older era shows. I found myself draw back to the times of the kings and queens. I dont know if its just because the drama the nobles have to deal with. I never found the reading of history facts to be entertiaining, but behind the seens to be very realitable. I have even considered possible having an past connection. I would see my self of more in the asia area because I have an close bond with India. I do not feel I was noble type but more such as a simple peasent. I dont desire to be an queen because I know how they would have been taken and looked at. I  sometimes feel that maybe its just fairy tale aspect of things, but I feel i know what it was really like. I feel anger towards the way some of the people were treated. Anyways! Just thought I would share my idea behind my craving of these reads.