My time off has been very nice and I am enjoying myself a lot. I have not done anything that I said I would have. The things that I was planning to do was play video games until I went blind. Also, I planned on reading a lot of the books off my reading list. Instead, guess what I have done? I watched TV until I lose a majority of my brain cells.
I tell myself, one more show and I will turn on my PS4. Instead, I get super tired and pass out and just tell myself I will do it tomorrow... again! Nothing! I really should just do it... and play video games until I am cross-eyed.
I am also planning to study some before classes start. I believe January will be more of an eventful time for me... HOPEFULLY!
The random thoughts and feelings that might make one feel crazy.
Sunday, December 24, 2017
Monday, December 18, 2017
Toxic family members...
I have never really gotten along with my stepfather and I really think it is impossible at times. I am not perfect and I have my flaws which sometimes makes the situation worse. I just wish there was some way to get through to him and make him understand things from my perspective.
Background of our current situation:
I have moved back to my parents home after my contract ended with general dynamics. It was about six months that I was out of the house. I talked to my mom and frank about coming back and going back to school full time. They agreed as long as I got good grades in college and was attending classes full time. Well, the majority of the time it is fine, but now I am on Christmas break and will not be returning back to college until January 22nd.
I am looking for a part-time job so I can save up some money while attending college. The last time I attended college and worked. I did not do very well in my classes and caused my GPA to drop. I have been attempting to get my BAS for the last 5 years but my stepfather has a certain way of thinking. He believes if I am not working that I am somehow less than him and I should go to school and work 40 hours a week because other people do it.
Usually, I just forget the idea of college and get a job because the tension is so intense from my parents.
My stepfather is, as usual, threating to kick me out of the house and accuses me of plotting against him. He thinks I want to make him unhappy and I am trying to break him and my mom up. Yes, we fight but I never said that I wanted them to apart. He is a hard person to get along with and he attempts to bring you down emotionally by calling you names. Then everything comes back to the idea of him working and we are not working, which is VERY frustrating when it comes to trying to make a person understand certain things.
My perspective:
I am pissed off in general because all he does from the time he goes to bed, until the time he gets up is a bitch about EVERYTHING. If he is not complaining about someone that has done him wrong, or how shitty his co-workers at work are. He is complaining about how I walk from the living room to the kitchen, he bitches about me sleeping during the day. Complains that I am doing this and that.. Then he bitches at my mom when she doesn't say anything to me and blames her for taking up for me.
He sleeps separately from my mom because the room is filled with HIS junk and you literally cannot really sleep in there. My mom has been outside in the living room since for ever. He works at night so when he comes home in the morning he lays down on the coach and switches the tv to what he wants to watch. I don't mind because I have my room etc, but if I go into the living room and talk to my mom he either complains or got something to say. Then if my mom is watching something he either starts watching his phone and not even watching what is on tv.
My mom literally has to deal with him being in the living room all weekend watching westerns because he becomes a man baby if she wants to watch something that she likes. It's fine because he works all week but it gets annoying watching him watching youtube on his phone, but not watching the show he has and then when someone asks if they can see something else, such a the news. He complains and bitches about it.
Then he bitches and complains about how my mom sleeps until 12 pm in the afternoon and how he doesn't do anything with his life. Bitches and complains until either my mom flips or I flip from him making a comment about something I am doing. Basically! he is never happy about anything...
Usually by sometime during the week. I am about fed up with the crap and think its wrong how we are supposed to just SHUT up and allow him to go on and on... making smart ass remarks, threating to move out, how much he works, etc.. the list is never ending! Also, he has this really super bad habit when others around he had a tendency to put either my mom or me down in front of them. Like somehow it makes him a bigger person. We mention this stuff to him and he doesn't seem to understand and thinks he has all the right to do it because he WORKS... He is like 70 years old and he is just really old fashion and I try so hard to get along with him, but no matter what I do, how long I keep my mouth shut. I can not stand for being down all the time like he does.
I think he doesn't like me living here because I shine a light on the shit he spews out of his mouth.
Another thing, when he is in the living room SLEEPING we are not allowed to do anything. We can not even clean the house because he starts bitching and complaining about it. I can not even wash my clothes because it seems everytime I mention washing my clothes, all the sudden he has to wash his clothes... which means I have to put my clothes washing off.... why?? why the fuck do you have to wash clothes when I want too??? Like what are you trying to prove here?
His logic doesn't make sense to me at all....
Now he isn't always an asshole... like he is super sweets in other ways. Like if I mention I wanted something... just generally. He remembers and will get it for me randomly. Also he will give you his shirt off his back, but he will not allow you to forget it. :)
He is toxic and I dont know how to make him understand where I am coming from and explain to him he should work towards these areas. That we both have to work on it, but it wont work if he doesn't work on his attitude.
Background of our current situation:
I have moved back to my parents home after my contract ended with general dynamics. It was about six months that I was out of the house. I talked to my mom and frank about coming back and going back to school full time. They agreed as long as I got good grades in college and was attending classes full time. Well, the majority of the time it is fine, but now I am on Christmas break and will not be returning back to college until January 22nd.
I am looking for a part-time job so I can save up some money while attending college. The last time I attended college and worked. I did not do very well in my classes and caused my GPA to drop. I have been attempting to get my BAS for the last 5 years but my stepfather has a certain way of thinking. He believes if I am not working that I am somehow less than him and I should go to school and work 40 hours a week because other people do it.
Usually, I just forget the idea of college and get a job because the tension is so intense from my parents.
My stepfather is, as usual, threating to kick me out of the house and accuses me of plotting against him. He thinks I want to make him unhappy and I am trying to break him and my mom up. Yes, we fight but I never said that I wanted them to apart. He is a hard person to get along with and he attempts to bring you down emotionally by calling you names. Then everything comes back to the idea of him working and we are not working, which is VERY frustrating when it comes to trying to make a person understand certain things.
My perspective:
I am pissed off in general because all he does from the time he goes to bed, until the time he gets up is a bitch about EVERYTHING. If he is not complaining about someone that has done him wrong, or how shitty his co-workers at work are. He is complaining about how I walk from the living room to the kitchen, he bitches about me sleeping during the day. Complains that I am doing this and that.. Then he bitches at my mom when she doesn't say anything to me and blames her for taking up for me.
He sleeps separately from my mom because the room is filled with HIS junk and you literally cannot really sleep in there. My mom has been outside in the living room since for ever. He works at night so when he comes home in the morning he lays down on the coach and switches the tv to what he wants to watch. I don't mind because I have my room etc, but if I go into the living room and talk to my mom he either complains or got something to say. Then if my mom is watching something he either starts watching his phone and not even watching what is on tv.
My mom literally has to deal with him being in the living room all weekend watching westerns because he becomes a man baby if she wants to watch something that she likes. It's fine because he works all week but it gets annoying watching him watching youtube on his phone, but not watching the show he has and then when someone asks if they can see something else, such a the news. He complains and bitches about it.
Then he bitches and complains about how my mom sleeps until 12 pm in the afternoon and how he doesn't do anything with his life. Bitches and complains until either my mom flips or I flip from him making a comment about something I am doing. Basically! he is never happy about anything...
Usually by sometime during the week. I am about fed up with the crap and think its wrong how we are supposed to just SHUT up and allow him to go on and on... making smart ass remarks, threating to move out, how much he works, etc.. the list is never ending! Also, he has this really super bad habit when others around he had a tendency to put either my mom or me down in front of them. Like somehow it makes him a bigger person. We mention this stuff to him and he doesn't seem to understand and thinks he has all the right to do it because he WORKS... He is like 70 years old and he is just really old fashion and I try so hard to get along with him, but no matter what I do, how long I keep my mouth shut. I can not stand for being down all the time like he does.
I think he doesn't like me living here because I shine a light on the shit he spews out of his mouth.
Another thing, when he is in the living room SLEEPING we are not allowed to do anything. We can not even clean the house because he starts bitching and complaining about it. I can not even wash my clothes because it seems everytime I mention washing my clothes, all the sudden he has to wash his clothes... which means I have to put my clothes washing off.... why?? why the fuck do you have to wash clothes when I want too??? Like what are you trying to prove here?
His logic doesn't make sense to me at all....
Now he isn't always an asshole... like he is super sweets in other ways. Like if I mention I wanted something... just generally. He remembers and will get it for me randomly. Also he will give you his shirt off his back, but he will not allow you to forget it. :)
He is toxic and I dont know how to make him understand where I am coming from and explain to him he should work towards these areas. That we both have to work on it, but it wont work if he doesn't work on his attitude.
Thursday, December 14, 2017
Finals and heartbreak...
I made ALL B's this semester!! Which makes me very happy! Then on the same note... I found out that the man I loved getting married! So yeah! I am not very happy regarding life in general, but I know it will get better. FUCK him and his whole family...
Anyways! I am looking forward to next semester and my life ahead of me. He can go be miserable somewhere far far away from me.
Anyways! I am looking forward to next semester and my life ahead of me. He can go be miserable somewhere far far away from me.
Thursday, December 7, 2017
College...finals
I am pretty aware that no one really reads my blog. I basically do this for my own benefit!
I know I have not updated my blog for a while now. I guess being a full-time student has its drawbacks. I am actually unable to do much besides study, relax, and do homework.
I have a final tomorrow, I have already taken two. One final was in geology and the other was in Communications. I received an 85% grade for my final in communications, which I am very happy with. I worked pretty hard in that class to make sure I pasted.
I haven't gotten my grade back for my Geology final, yet! I am waiting and hope for at least a B on it. I spent the majority of the night studying for the final. It would be a same if I did not past my final because I put so much effort into learning the material. Plus, I felt super confident in how I did in the final. Though the last 3 times I have felt great about the test results and it ended up being something way worse then I thought.
I am going to keep my confidence up and not check my grade until Wednesday evening. That is when the grades should all be posted on the college website.
***Cross figures real tight ***
Well, I need to sleep so I can be bright eyed and bushy tail for my Computer Science Lab Final.
Nite nite
Danielle H. aka DaniOM
I know I have not updated my blog for a while now. I guess being a full-time student has its drawbacks. I am actually unable to do much besides study, relax, and do homework.
I have a final tomorrow, I have already taken two. One final was in geology and the other was in Communications. I received an 85% grade for my final in communications, which I am very happy with. I worked pretty hard in that class to make sure I pasted.
I haven't gotten my grade back for my Geology final, yet! I am waiting and hope for at least a B on it. I spent the majority of the night studying for the final. It would be a same if I did not past my final because I put so much effort into learning the material. Plus, I felt super confident in how I did in the final. Though the last 3 times I have felt great about the test results and it ended up being something way worse then I thought.
I am going to keep my confidence up and not check my grade until Wednesday evening. That is when the grades should all be posted on the college website.
***Cross figures real tight ***
Well, I need to sleep so I can be bright eyed and bushy tail for my Computer Science Lab Final.
Nite nite
Danielle H. aka DaniOM
Saturday, August 5, 2017
Bad things happen in 3s?
It felt that maybe things were going my way finally. Then a few things happened that caught me off guard!! It made me feel these bad things were scarifies. That the sacrifices needed to be made in order for the other things to happen in my favor. Not knowing if this is true or not. I am just going to assume that I at least have one more bad thing to happen.... that is if we are considering that unpleasant things happen in the course of 3s.
I know I haven't been very timely with my journal entries, which if anyone is actually fallowing my journals, could basically be aware of this little known fact about me. Since the last time I updated my journal, I choose to come back (to my parents home )to finish up my education.
My family pressured me in to finding a job, so I can be Independent and self abstaining. This is understandable and totally acceptable in today standards, but life likes to keep handing me a deck of cards that I don't completely play right. I guess we should eventually learn form all our mistakes, which in most cases I feel completely confident that I have. Though, sometimes the outcome of the results of my choices say otherwise. Just to give you a quick background....
I currently have an associated degree in Computer Support or also known as Information Technoloy, which hasn't helped me in my career path in the last 4 years since I graduated with this degree in 2014 from Columbus Technical College. A lot of the entry level jobs that I would apply for would require me to have at least 2-3 years of working experience on hand, but I was not able to land a position in the IT field since I graduated. Then I finally felt I made a break through!! I was able to join a federal position at a company known as General Dynamics. My position would be a level one Customer Service Representative. I figured it was my foot in the door to a great company that could assist me getting in to the Information Technology field - since they are a major company that supper the development for the military in different parts of the government. They have locations all over the united states as well as over seas. I was ecstatic to be able to work with a company such as General Dynamics!!
To make a long story short.... I discussed my career option in the IT field with in the company. The IT manager at the location told me since I did not have any experience at my age. The only real option to get in the IT department in General Dynamics was to join the Army and get my experience that way, well I am 31 years old!!! By the time I lost the weight needed to join the Army, I could work towards getting my Bachelor's degree in Computer Science. I am still wondering if this is the right move, but I have the confidence that I need to go ahead and finish up my degree before I get any older. This is what made me not want to go back to General Dynamics ( even though I have this option to go back to my old position ). I am hoping in the future I do retire from General Dynamics because it just a great opportunity....
Once I got home, I applied for unemployment so I would not have to depend on my parents for my basic needs, then I started working towards applying for college so I could start in Fall 2017 semester. Things looked like they were taking a bit longer of time then expected. Needed to get permission from advisor, take workshops, and other odd things in order to be accepted back at Columbus State University on the academic side of things. When I got the aspect of Financial Aid, they were saying my SAP was too low. Currently, my SAP is 64% and it needs to be at 67%. It would take me two full semesters to bring the percentage up. I put in an appeal to explain why I took so many credit hours and only earned a small amount. I had two weeks before I would hear anything regarding this... the worse two weeks of my life!!!
The two weeks were up, I checked on my financial aid and saw I was approved!!!! I am excited that they were going to give me another chance to prove myself in my education. Even though, I had to run down to the office and speak with an adviser regarding the funding. They approved it right then and all I had to wait for is the book funding to pick up my books at the book store. Good eh!? Well then I received a letter in the mail from the unemployment saying that I received my last check. NO WARNING! No heads up regarding this.... just a letter saying my funds were gone!!!
See the week before, I made some payments to some things I owed. Not knowing the fallowing week. I would not have any funding! Trust me, I would have done things differently if I knew things ahead of time. Anyways! I can deal with it... I wont need much to get by until the middle of August. Then... the second bad thing happened... I went to go pay my torrid credit card payment and when I got back to my car, it would not start!!!! My starter is giving out!!!!! Wth ... I don't have any money to get it fixed... what am I going to do???
I was more afraid not being able to go to classes and not making it on time. I just got approved for a second time and my starter is out!? WTH.... Anyways, I had $23.00 to my name and I had no way that I was going to get the amount of money to fix my starter. Well, I went to Toyota to see if it was really my starter. They confirmed that my starter was completely dead and I would need it replaced.
Okay, I can go two weeks going to school and just be super unhappy, or I would need to come up with the money before school. Then I priced a car while I was there to see if I can get approved for a low payment. Well, the two people I called to get a second opinion regarding a BIG purchase, made me realize I needed to see about fixing my starter. I did not need to make such a big purchase at this time, which made a lot of sense!!! Okay, so how do I come up with the money!? One of my best friends came through for me!!! Yes, she loaned me the money for the starter and my stepfather said he would install it for me ( if it didn't rain )...
Lets hope that it goes well and I get my starter fixed! Then I don't have to worry about anything else... the only things I hope that Nothing else goes wrong!! and I will stay positive no matter what. The way I see it, that it probably better that it happened now verse when I started school...
Wish me luck!!
I know I haven't been very timely with my journal entries, which if anyone is actually fallowing my journals, could basically be aware of this little known fact about me. Since the last time I updated my journal, I choose to come back (to my parents home )to finish up my education.
My family pressured me in to finding a job, so I can be Independent and self abstaining. This is understandable and totally acceptable in today standards, but life likes to keep handing me a deck of cards that I don't completely play right. I guess we should eventually learn form all our mistakes, which in most cases I feel completely confident that I have. Though, sometimes the outcome of the results of my choices say otherwise. Just to give you a quick background....
I currently have an associated degree in Computer Support or also known as Information Technoloy, which hasn't helped me in my career path in the last 4 years since I graduated with this degree in 2014 from Columbus Technical College. A lot of the entry level jobs that I would apply for would require me to have at least 2-3 years of working experience on hand, but I was not able to land a position in the IT field since I graduated. Then I finally felt I made a break through!! I was able to join a federal position at a company known as General Dynamics. My position would be a level one Customer Service Representative. I figured it was my foot in the door to a great company that could assist me getting in to the Information Technology field - since they are a major company that supper the development for the military in different parts of the government. They have locations all over the united states as well as over seas. I was ecstatic to be able to work with a company such as General Dynamics!!
To make a long story short.... I discussed my career option in the IT field with in the company. The IT manager at the location told me since I did not have any experience at my age. The only real option to get in the IT department in General Dynamics was to join the Army and get my experience that way, well I am 31 years old!!! By the time I lost the weight needed to join the Army, I could work towards getting my Bachelor's degree in Computer Science. I am still wondering if this is the right move, but I have the confidence that I need to go ahead and finish up my degree before I get any older. This is what made me not want to go back to General Dynamics ( even though I have this option to go back to my old position ). I am hoping in the future I do retire from General Dynamics because it just a great opportunity....
Once I got home, I applied for unemployment so I would not have to depend on my parents for my basic needs, then I started working towards applying for college so I could start in Fall 2017 semester. Things looked like they were taking a bit longer of time then expected. Needed to get permission from advisor, take workshops, and other odd things in order to be accepted back at Columbus State University on the academic side of things. When I got the aspect of Financial Aid, they were saying my SAP was too low. Currently, my SAP is 64% and it needs to be at 67%. It would take me two full semesters to bring the percentage up. I put in an appeal to explain why I took so many credit hours and only earned a small amount. I had two weeks before I would hear anything regarding this... the worse two weeks of my life!!!
The two weeks were up, I checked on my financial aid and saw I was approved!!!! I am excited that they were going to give me another chance to prove myself in my education. Even though, I had to run down to the office and speak with an adviser regarding the funding. They approved it right then and all I had to wait for is the book funding to pick up my books at the book store. Good eh!? Well then I received a letter in the mail from the unemployment saying that I received my last check. NO WARNING! No heads up regarding this.... just a letter saying my funds were gone!!!
See the week before, I made some payments to some things I owed. Not knowing the fallowing week. I would not have any funding! Trust me, I would have done things differently if I knew things ahead of time. Anyways! I can deal with it... I wont need much to get by until the middle of August. Then... the second bad thing happened... I went to go pay my torrid credit card payment and when I got back to my car, it would not start!!!! My starter is giving out!!!!! Wth ... I don't have any money to get it fixed... what am I going to do???
I was more afraid not being able to go to classes and not making it on time. I just got approved for a second time and my starter is out!? WTH.... Anyways, I had $23.00 to my name and I had no way that I was going to get the amount of money to fix my starter. Well, I went to Toyota to see if it was really my starter. They confirmed that my starter was completely dead and I would need it replaced.
Okay, I can go two weeks going to school and just be super unhappy, or I would need to come up with the money before school. Then I priced a car while I was there to see if I can get approved for a low payment. Well, the two people I called to get a second opinion regarding a BIG purchase, made me realize I needed to see about fixing my starter. I did not need to make such a big purchase at this time, which made a lot of sense!!! Okay, so how do I come up with the money!? One of my best friends came through for me!!! Yes, she loaned me the money for the starter and my stepfather said he would install it for me ( if it didn't rain )...
Lets hope that it goes well and I get my starter fixed! Then I don't have to worry about anything else... the only things I hope that Nothing else goes wrong!! and I will stay positive no matter what. The way I see it, that it probably better that it happened now verse when I started school...
Wish me luck!!
Tuesday, June 6, 2017
31 - When is it too late?
Is 31 too old to get my Bachelors degree? I consider this a lot in my age. I know 31 is still considered to be a baby in some's eyes. I, on the other hand, feel like the clock is ticking down to zero real fast. I try my best not to compare myself to others in my family.
Most of my cousins have already graduated with their master's degree and are getting jobs. They are even getting houses, having babies etc.. I, on the other hand, is still living with my mom. I have moved out a few times, but never could securely be independent. It is not that I don't want too, it just that it seems it made more sense economically. I attempted to get my bachelor's going through an online program so I can work while I study. Doing it online was taking too long because with working 40 hours, I could only take one class at a time.
My parents want me to just work and not earn a degree. They want me to be independent and move out of their house. Trust me! I do not want to live with my parents. I truly hate it here, but I know in the long run I will be better off. It is a lunch off the pad for the bigger goal.
This what brought me to the big question, " Is 31 too old to attempt a career?". Should I leave it alone and just go after promotions within a good company. There has been plenty of people that were very successful that never had a college education. It is not required right!? But it does for what I want to do. I guess in the long run it is never too late to start and it doesn't matter how long it takes. It just matters if my heart is in it, right?
Wednesday, May 3, 2017
Life Is Just A Dream
A lot has happened since my last journal post. I really want to keep this blog going, but I need to focus on one topic only.
Maybe if I followed more blogs and came up with ideas based on the post I read. I just I'm not just not creative. I think I'm so back and forth in life. I wouldnt be able to sick to just one thing.
Life is a dream... I can be what you want it to be. What happened if I'm just sleeping my life away?
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