Amazement of Nature

Lately I have been catching myself staring off in the distance, thinking of nothing in particular. Star gazed, amazed by the most simplest gleam that happens to catch my eye at that moment.Usually I since something form the corn in my eye, which makes me smile. Why all the sudden do I seem to take a step back from reality and see things in a complete different light? Is it just my imagination wondering off, to weird and fascinating places, where things seem simpler then they appear? Who knows, would we ever really know? I doubt it!

Yesterday, or lets say last night; around 3:30AM I stepped outside to smoke. As I usually do I look at all the bugs that congregate around the night lamp outside the door. I always discover a weird looking bug that I never have laid my eyes on before. Coming up with weird ideas why that it might have the patters of colors, or if its a different type of spider. Even though, I am afraid of spiders I try my best not to kill them if they are not running across my floor. I feel horrible when I kill a living creature. I tell myself; they are scared and helpless, what right do I have to take their life away? As I stood their just looking at the bugs, smoking my cigarette. I had this over whelming since of oneness with everything. As I stared off in the darkness of the night, my skin tingled and I felt as if everything around me was alive. I stared at the tree leaves and trunk as the light reflected off it; giving me a since or amazement. Knowing its living, breathing, and it had a purpose just as I do. These small moments with in my life, give me the reinsurance that there is definitely something much more to this universe then we know. If everyone actually took the time and patience to listen to the bugs chirping, silence sing, and the wind blow. We will feel the oneness that we are suppose to feel.

Why do I not have these great moments of awareness at all times? Is it because I sense things differently depending of my environment? Who knows... I wish to walk around with this awareness of how everything is intertwined with each other. We were never really meant to wonder around this planet destroying everything that we touch. Just because we are human doesn't give us a right over everything else. Why do we do this??? WHY? Only if you people understood the great pain the stamps its self on my heart, every time I come to realize the brutality of what we are capable of.

The other day, a king snake was crossing the road. I know that it might have been an accident, which in most cases people do not pay attention to where they are going. The snake was already dying, but I stopped my car, frozen on what to do. I drove around it! I knew I could not help it, and I wish I would have gotten there before it was killed, maybe then it would have had a chance. People say, " why was it crossing the road in the first place, what a stupid snake." I wanna scream, " The snake has every right to cross this road, this road wasn't here when nature made the snake, you made the road, RESPECT nature!" Nature never attended for the Human aspect (Not caring), we need to start listening and understand that they are not in our WAY, we are in their WAY. They have more of a right to be here then we do. We are a plague to this planet and I will be waiting for something to come along and treat us like we treat everything on this earth.

Have you ever really consider what I was saying? Do you ever care? Maybe if you took the time and looked and watched how in one simple life form you could understand the universe.
 
I just wish; that I could stay connected, I wish I could make people understand how I feel, and I wish there were more people that would stand up and actually do something about it.

I will shut up now...
Danielle

Sleeping....awake...

Ever since I was told to choose between my college or my job, I have been with out work since. I was hoping that it was a good thing, which I still feel it is. I believe every time a door shuts another one opens. Even though It just takes a while to find the open door.

Well, ever since then I have had erratic sleeping habits. Let me just let you know that I have basically been like this my whole life. It doesn't matter if I gotten up at 6AM, I will end up sleeping close to 2 or 3 AM. It drives me nuts actually, even though everyone assumes I enjoy it. The only purpose I have for staying up so late, is that I feel calmer and feel more relaxed at night, even though I am relaxed my brain is going 100mph. It usually helps me get homework done, or something I have been putting off for a LONG time.  Usually if I try my best to go to sleep, I will end up staying awake in bed until 3 or 4AM, since I have been through TRYING to sleep a million and one times. I figured its more of a waste of time, so I prefer to actually get things done. In the long run the action of doing something helps my brain to amp down, which allows me to actually fall asleep.

I know that most people today experience this on more then one occasion within their life time. Though, it seemed when I had a J.O.B. I was more inclined to actually fall asleep because my timings were more structured, I had stuff done at certain times, I started settling down earlier, depending on my work times. Though usually when I knew I didn't have to work until evenings and could sleep until 5PM I would be up until 3AM.

Now, Its just sleeping... awake! Doing homework when ever I feel inclined to do so, because I will defiantly pull an ALL nighter to make sure everything is turned in perfect.

I keep wondering if I still had my Job would I still make good grades, because I know my work load in my classes are going to increase because we are packing in 8 weeks of stuff in 5 weeks, which in the long runs mean that we are SHORT on time. Maybe, this is all for the best. maybe because I am so close to the finish line that I needed this.... YES! that is what it is!!
Anyways.... Blah blah blah.... I will shut up now, I just needed a quick break from my homework. Maybe I will keep this journal up, just for my personal enjoyment.

Bye bye
Danielle