My time off has been very nice and I am enjoying myself a lot. I have not done anything that I said I would have. The things that I was planning to do was play video games until I went blind. Also, I planned on reading a lot of the books off my reading list. Instead, guess what I have done? I watched TV until I lose a majority of my brain cells.
I tell myself, one more show and I will turn on my PS4. Instead, I get super tired and pass out and just tell myself I will do it tomorrow... again! Nothing! I really should just do it... and play video games until I am cross-eyed.
I am also planning to study some before classes start. I believe January will be more of an eventful time for me... HOPEFULLY!
The random thoughts and feelings that might make one feel crazy.
Sunday, December 24, 2017
Monday, December 18, 2017
Toxic family members...
I have never really gotten along with my stepfather and I really think it is impossible at times. I am not perfect and I have my flaws which sometimes makes the situation worse. I just wish there was some way to get through to him and make him understand things from my perspective.
Background of our current situation:
I have moved back to my parents home after my contract ended with general dynamics. It was about six months that I was out of the house. I talked to my mom and frank about coming back and going back to school full time. They agreed as long as I got good grades in college and was attending classes full time. Well, the majority of the time it is fine, but now I am on Christmas break and will not be returning back to college until January 22nd.
I am looking for a part-time job so I can save up some money while attending college. The last time I attended college and worked. I did not do very well in my classes and caused my GPA to drop. I have been attempting to get my BAS for the last 5 years but my stepfather has a certain way of thinking. He believes if I am not working that I am somehow less than him and I should go to school and work 40 hours a week because other people do it.
Usually, I just forget the idea of college and get a job because the tension is so intense from my parents.
My stepfather is, as usual, threating to kick me out of the house and accuses me of plotting against him. He thinks I want to make him unhappy and I am trying to break him and my mom up. Yes, we fight but I never said that I wanted them to apart. He is a hard person to get along with and he attempts to bring you down emotionally by calling you names. Then everything comes back to the idea of him working and we are not working, which is VERY frustrating when it comes to trying to make a person understand certain things.
My perspective:
I am pissed off in general because all he does from the time he goes to bed, until the time he gets up is a bitch about EVERYTHING. If he is not complaining about someone that has done him wrong, or how shitty his co-workers at work are. He is complaining about how I walk from the living room to the kitchen, he bitches about me sleeping during the day. Complains that I am doing this and that.. Then he bitches at my mom when she doesn't say anything to me and blames her for taking up for me.
He sleeps separately from my mom because the room is filled with HIS junk and you literally cannot really sleep in there. My mom has been outside in the living room since for ever. He works at night so when he comes home in the morning he lays down on the coach and switches the tv to what he wants to watch. I don't mind because I have my room etc, but if I go into the living room and talk to my mom he either complains or got something to say. Then if my mom is watching something he either starts watching his phone and not even watching what is on tv.
My mom literally has to deal with him being in the living room all weekend watching westerns because he becomes a man baby if she wants to watch something that she likes. It's fine because he works all week but it gets annoying watching him watching youtube on his phone, but not watching the show he has and then when someone asks if they can see something else, such a the news. He complains and bitches about it.
Then he bitches and complains about how my mom sleeps until 12 pm in the afternoon and how he doesn't do anything with his life. Bitches and complains until either my mom flips or I flip from him making a comment about something I am doing. Basically! he is never happy about anything...
Usually by sometime during the week. I am about fed up with the crap and think its wrong how we are supposed to just SHUT up and allow him to go on and on... making smart ass remarks, threating to move out, how much he works, etc.. the list is never ending! Also, he has this really super bad habit when others around he had a tendency to put either my mom or me down in front of them. Like somehow it makes him a bigger person. We mention this stuff to him and he doesn't seem to understand and thinks he has all the right to do it because he WORKS... He is like 70 years old and he is just really old fashion and I try so hard to get along with him, but no matter what I do, how long I keep my mouth shut. I can not stand for being down all the time like he does.
I think he doesn't like me living here because I shine a light on the shit he spews out of his mouth.
Another thing, when he is in the living room SLEEPING we are not allowed to do anything. We can not even clean the house because he starts bitching and complaining about it. I can not even wash my clothes because it seems everytime I mention washing my clothes, all the sudden he has to wash his clothes... which means I have to put my clothes washing off.... why?? why the fuck do you have to wash clothes when I want too??? Like what are you trying to prove here?
His logic doesn't make sense to me at all....
Now he isn't always an asshole... like he is super sweets in other ways. Like if I mention I wanted something... just generally. He remembers and will get it for me randomly. Also he will give you his shirt off his back, but he will not allow you to forget it. :)
He is toxic and I dont know how to make him understand where I am coming from and explain to him he should work towards these areas. That we both have to work on it, but it wont work if he doesn't work on his attitude.
Background of our current situation:
I have moved back to my parents home after my contract ended with general dynamics. It was about six months that I was out of the house. I talked to my mom and frank about coming back and going back to school full time. They agreed as long as I got good grades in college and was attending classes full time. Well, the majority of the time it is fine, but now I am on Christmas break and will not be returning back to college until January 22nd.
I am looking for a part-time job so I can save up some money while attending college. The last time I attended college and worked. I did not do very well in my classes and caused my GPA to drop. I have been attempting to get my BAS for the last 5 years but my stepfather has a certain way of thinking. He believes if I am not working that I am somehow less than him and I should go to school and work 40 hours a week because other people do it.
Usually, I just forget the idea of college and get a job because the tension is so intense from my parents.
My stepfather is, as usual, threating to kick me out of the house and accuses me of plotting against him. He thinks I want to make him unhappy and I am trying to break him and my mom up. Yes, we fight but I never said that I wanted them to apart. He is a hard person to get along with and he attempts to bring you down emotionally by calling you names. Then everything comes back to the idea of him working and we are not working, which is VERY frustrating when it comes to trying to make a person understand certain things.
My perspective:
I am pissed off in general because all he does from the time he goes to bed, until the time he gets up is a bitch about EVERYTHING. If he is not complaining about someone that has done him wrong, or how shitty his co-workers at work are. He is complaining about how I walk from the living room to the kitchen, he bitches about me sleeping during the day. Complains that I am doing this and that.. Then he bitches at my mom when she doesn't say anything to me and blames her for taking up for me.
He sleeps separately from my mom because the room is filled with HIS junk and you literally cannot really sleep in there. My mom has been outside in the living room since for ever. He works at night so when he comes home in the morning he lays down on the coach and switches the tv to what he wants to watch. I don't mind because I have my room etc, but if I go into the living room and talk to my mom he either complains or got something to say. Then if my mom is watching something he either starts watching his phone and not even watching what is on tv.
My mom literally has to deal with him being in the living room all weekend watching westerns because he becomes a man baby if she wants to watch something that she likes. It's fine because he works all week but it gets annoying watching him watching youtube on his phone, but not watching the show he has and then when someone asks if they can see something else, such a the news. He complains and bitches about it.
Then he bitches and complains about how my mom sleeps until 12 pm in the afternoon and how he doesn't do anything with his life. Bitches and complains until either my mom flips or I flip from him making a comment about something I am doing. Basically! he is never happy about anything...
Usually by sometime during the week. I am about fed up with the crap and think its wrong how we are supposed to just SHUT up and allow him to go on and on... making smart ass remarks, threating to move out, how much he works, etc.. the list is never ending! Also, he has this really super bad habit when others around he had a tendency to put either my mom or me down in front of them. Like somehow it makes him a bigger person. We mention this stuff to him and he doesn't seem to understand and thinks he has all the right to do it because he WORKS... He is like 70 years old and he is just really old fashion and I try so hard to get along with him, but no matter what I do, how long I keep my mouth shut. I can not stand for being down all the time like he does.
I think he doesn't like me living here because I shine a light on the shit he spews out of his mouth.
Another thing, when he is in the living room SLEEPING we are not allowed to do anything. We can not even clean the house because he starts bitching and complaining about it. I can not even wash my clothes because it seems everytime I mention washing my clothes, all the sudden he has to wash his clothes... which means I have to put my clothes washing off.... why?? why the fuck do you have to wash clothes when I want too??? Like what are you trying to prove here?
His logic doesn't make sense to me at all....
Now he isn't always an asshole... like he is super sweets in other ways. Like if I mention I wanted something... just generally. He remembers and will get it for me randomly. Also he will give you his shirt off his back, but he will not allow you to forget it. :)
He is toxic and I dont know how to make him understand where I am coming from and explain to him he should work towards these areas. That we both have to work on it, but it wont work if he doesn't work on his attitude.
Thursday, December 14, 2017
Finals and heartbreak...
I made ALL B's this semester!! Which makes me very happy! Then on the same note... I found out that the man I loved getting married! So yeah! I am not very happy regarding life in general, but I know it will get better. FUCK him and his whole family...
Anyways! I am looking forward to next semester and my life ahead of me. He can go be miserable somewhere far far away from me.
Anyways! I am looking forward to next semester and my life ahead of me. He can go be miserable somewhere far far away from me.
Thursday, December 7, 2017
College...finals
I am pretty aware that no one really reads my blog. I basically do this for my own benefit!
I know I have not updated my blog for a while now. I guess being a full-time student has its drawbacks. I am actually unable to do much besides study, relax, and do homework.
I have a final tomorrow, I have already taken two. One final was in geology and the other was in Communications. I received an 85% grade for my final in communications, which I am very happy with. I worked pretty hard in that class to make sure I pasted.
I haven't gotten my grade back for my Geology final, yet! I am waiting and hope for at least a B on it. I spent the majority of the night studying for the final. It would be a same if I did not past my final because I put so much effort into learning the material. Plus, I felt super confident in how I did in the final. Though the last 3 times I have felt great about the test results and it ended up being something way worse then I thought.
I am going to keep my confidence up and not check my grade until Wednesday evening. That is when the grades should all be posted on the college website.
***Cross figures real tight ***
Well, I need to sleep so I can be bright eyed and bushy tail for my Computer Science Lab Final.
Nite nite
Danielle H. aka DaniOM
I know I have not updated my blog for a while now. I guess being a full-time student has its drawbacks. I am actually unable to do much besides study, relax, and do homework.
I have a final tomorrow, I have already taken two. One final was in geology and the other was in Communications. I received an 85% grade for my final in communications, which I am very happy with. I worked pretty hard in that class to make sure I pasted.
I haven't gotten my grade back for my Geology final, yet! I am waiting and hope for at least a B on it. I spent the majority of the night studying for the final. It would be a same if I did not past my final because I put so much effort into learning the material. Plus, I felt super confident in how I did in the final. Though the last 3 times I have felt great about the test results and it ended up being something way worse then I thought.
I am going to keep my confidence up and not check my grade until Wednesday evening. That is when the grades should all be posted on the college website.
***Cross figures real tight ***
Well, I need to sleep so I can be bright eyed and bushy tail for my Computer Science Lab Final.
Nite nite
Danielle H. aka DaniOM
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